Song for the moment: Violet Hill - Coldplay.

Have you ever felt like if you were too far away from achieving your dreams, your destiny?
Like if you had chosen the wrong way at some point of your existence and kept moving for a while believing you were in the right direction, but then you suddenly realize how mistaken you've been?
I have.
There's a quote in portuguese that says "even though nobody can go back on time and make a new beggining, everybody can begin now and make a new outcome". I guess I do believe in that. But I'm also starting to believe that the achievements i would've gotten by taking the right decisions when it was time will probably never happen through another way. After all, nobody can guarantee that "the new outcome" is going to be as good as or even better than the desired outcome.
It's sad and makes me feel not taken care of, not protected.
Right now I'm feeling so random, so ordinary, so attached to a life that does not belong to me. Many posts ago I mentioned about the discrepancy between my body and my soul. Everything around seems so surreal and nightmare-like. The emptiness, the shinelessness of the fake stars of the sky of everybody else's universe... Somehow I know I'm definetly not supposed to be here. What should I do??
And why in the world do I always keep a fake smile on my face when I want to cry out loud? What the hell am I fearing?
.
.
.
Yeah, listening to Coldplay has always made me over reflexive. I'll take my ass to bed now, denatured readers. "When you feel so tired but you just can't sleep"

PS: Usually when i start writing about something, i develop my subject related conceptions during the writing process and not before it, as i imagine the good writers might do.